love, Hayley

Dear huge lizard that lives in my room,


I have no issue cohabitating with you. In fact, I appreciate the work you do in eating bugs that dare cross my threshold. I also appreciate the fact that you do not have a disgusting chitinous exterior nor are you capable of biting/stinging me.

All of that being said, I find you unnattractive and the thought that you might slither/crawl across any part of my body deeply repulses me. I don't ever want to actually see your ugly mug. I will allow you to live without interference but I don't want to open the door and have a heart palpitation because I see something dart down the wall and think that it may be a tarantula. When I enter the room, I expect you to the crawl back to whatever godforsaken corner of my room you normally occupy.

Many thanks in advance,
Hayley